that was then, this is now

I can't sleep tonight. I can't help but think about how much life has changed.

I can't help but wonder how much I have really changed, even as I pray to be made new everyday. 

The dichotomy of life is how much my joy is made complete and yet my suffering remains consistent. How much of sorrow is laced behind a smile, and brokenness is knit with my being. It always has been the cloth that I was cut from- that the underlying fabric of my spirituality has been the thread of brokenness. Then again, how is it possible to hear of famine, of genocide, and of greed that breeds human trafficking... to hear of such things, to know of such things, to see such things - yet remain unscathed nor undone. We live in a broken fallen world. But everyday, I'm reminded of the Eternal and a day when all things will be made new. That another world is dawning. This brokenness is only a portent of the promise, that there is a Heavenly Father who loves and redeems all our broken fallen shattered pieces.

It was only but a month that I was away from these children, but time and love has a way of changing things. The first week back has been so emotional for all of us because I now know that they know I'm not a volunteer or a visitor here. But it's a deeper relationship, somewhere between the likeness of a down-to-earth high-school gym teacher and a father who lets the kids break the rules as long as they don't tell mommy. They don't leave my side, and they never want to be out of sight. I only wish I had the footage recorded of them, charging the taxi from all sides on monday morning. I don't know which was funnier- the look on my face, or the bewildered taxi driver. They even had a welcome back poster spelled out with candy (welcome was spelled with two 'L's). 


And I found myself instantly on the floor with my face in theirs.
This is life now- on the floor, on my knees, with my heart on my sleeve. 

That was then. But this is now. All things are made new. 

I'm changing to be more like something I'm not. That's the paradox and the promise- that all of us are changing everyday to be everlasting with the Unchanging One. 

The Unchanging One makes all things new.