Tuesday, 17 May 2011

the call within the call

it was another one of those days. it started at 4 in the morning bearing witness to the sunrise, followed by restless movements on a sleepless bed.

disclaimer: i want to share this with all honesty knowing how weak the world will know me to be.

"Janelle, please pray for me. It's getting heavier and I can physically feel the ache. I've been crying and praying, night and day. I can't sleep and I don't know what's happening - it's never been like this before. Even right now on the way to the village, I'm crying in the taxi. I want to be fully present with the kids but my heart is on Uganda. I feel like I ran away from the calling."
- that was a text message i sent to my praying friend here at 7:12am.

i'm opening this out in hopes that at least a few of you will remember this in prayer. my heart has always been with the orphans of Africa - and lately, it's been so heavy to bear. i'm crying for a miracle, crying for purpose because there is nothing heroic about my life like my heroes. something tells me that there's got to be more. that this is not all there is to the story.

but at the same time i don't want to write off the story that is being written here. i don't want to write off the story of this little malnourished one with an undiagnosed virus that's stealing her smile. i don't want to write off the pain of this girl who is hoping the swelling doesn't turn into an infection.

i love these kids so much that the thought alone of being separated from them rips my heart. and today as they heard that i might move to a more remote village in the next few months (kind of village you have to take the railway, rickshaw and then walk a mile on the dirt road), the classrooms broke out into massive mourning. i don't know how to describe that moment to you, but very few people have cried for me like that.

we wiped off our tears as we walked to get some ice-cream; thank God  for village style coconut ice-cream for crying kids under a sweltering sun :)

these days, i've had in my hand in everything from feeding hungry stomachs to fixing flat tires.
i want my life to bear witness to the broken; bear witness to the beauty of the broken.



  1. Jobin, you feel so deeply and love so widely. I want you to know that you are all in our thoughts and prayers. Dont spread yourself too thin, you continue to give so much of yourself. Find the simple pleasures, cut yourself a break and relish the miracle in the beautiful smiles of those children. Sending you big hugs.

  2. Even after being to Africa three times, I had never been to an orphanage until today, so it was so fitting to stumble upon this post tonight. I was feeling similar pain today as I left the orphanage, I felt guilt for not being able to help them all and for having to leave so soon. But, I know that God has me placed elsewhere (at a group home for teens) for a reason, a reason part of His good and perfect will.
    So be encouraged, because even though you cannot be there to take care of the orphans in Uganda, He is! And He has you where you are right now for a reason :)

  3. Jobin... God is using you in so many ways over there. Amidst the brokenness and the fact your heart is getting ripped everyday He is using you. He is working in and through you in ways that you may never comprehend, but it's all for His kingdom and it's all for His glory. I admire you for giving up everything to serve the brokenhearted. I'm praying for you brother.